Dreams and Reality

It was time. It needed an update. I know, pink stripes don't seem very novel, but they have a certain cozy elegant feel which appeals to me. Picture a dressing room in the 1800's lit by oil lamp with pink stripe wallpaper. There is a fireplace to one side with a roaring fire, in front of which the old family dog lies. The room is furnished with an elaborately carved dressing table on which are sitting a silver tray with various perfumes and a hairbrush and comb with marble handles. The tall window has lace curtains which are pulled back to allow a view of the snowy field beyond which can barely be seen as the evening light fades. There is a lovely woman in the room who is being attended to by her ladies maid as she prepares to meet the guests who have just begun arriving for supper. There is already much talk and laughter wafting up from downstairs and the evening is guaranteed to be a pleasant one, considering the guest list tonight.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather find out what happens in that story than finish reading this blog post! No, please don't go. I promise, that story is a figment of my imagination, and I have not decided what happens next. Maybe I have been reading too much 19th century literature lately. For book club several months ago, we read Pride and Predjudice since some of our members had not read it yet. Then 2 weeks ago, we all got together on a Friday evening and watched the long BBC production with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. Which of course put me in the mood for more Jane Austen, and as I injured my neck two days after that, I laid in bed and watched the four-part version of Emma and the two-part version of Sense and Sensibility. Now I am listening to Sense and Sensibility on my Overdrive app while I drive to and from work, because it's been nearly 18 years since I read the book and I had to find out how accurate the two different movies on that book really are.

Now I have wasted an entire thirty minutes trying to find a photo to go with the picture in my head, but there are none, at least not that I have the patience to find. So I guess I should re-orient my head to my agenda for today, part of which is to make that blueberry cake/bread I mentioned yesterday. Maybe I'll make it for breakfast. Or maybe I'll make coconut flour pancakes for breakfast and that cake for lunch. Although odds are, I'll be busy doing half a dozen things by lunch and not want to actually stop to cook. I think today, though, my focus should be to enjoy the minutes, not over-plan and over-work myself as those things invariably lead to a stressed and iritable wife and mother. Yes, just breathe. How's wine at 6:30 am sound? JUST KIDDING!!!

Keep Going...

So I just read a depressing article about a woman younger than me with severe endometriosis. Now granted, she was worse than me. I am stage 4, but there are clearly levels of stage 4. Then I was depressed (for about 5 minutes), then resigned (for 30 seconds) and now I am determined that I will kick this thing in the butt.

There you have it, my last 30 minutes of this morning. Then I read my my new little devotional, and decided it's nice to know that everyone has those days of feeling completely inadequate as a parent and that's how God designed parenting---to be a sanctifying experience. Next I read Psalm 24-25 and began feeling better. 

Now I am resolved on making breakfast (fried eggs on kale topped with caramelized onions) , trying a new coconut flour/blueberry recipe I found for lunch, doing some cleaning and organizing, and homeschooling with Boy today (Daddy does it with him on the days I work, and I do it on my days off.). 

Christian Fellowship

 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts

Last night, we did not go to bed until midnight. Why? Because we got together with some friends and were having a merry time chatting until one man whispered something to his wife, and she said out loud, "It's 10:15?! We have to go!" Whereupon we all bundled up our various children and left promptly, they getting their five children out the door before we got our one child out. Yep, they have more practice getting children out the door than we do, lol! We got there at nearly 7pm, then after the kids worked out some energy we ate, then while said kids made as much noise as you would expect eight children to make, we all sat at the table and talked. So really, we barely had two hours to chat, but it was wonderful and I didn't even notice how far past my bedtime I was until the announcement was made.  We women discussed parenting, and what our obsessions/perfectionisms as moms are, and what we do that we never thought we would do, and how that at some point we all quit being honest with each other at church. You know what I mean, it's hard to just say "Well really my week was lousy because I felt like a complete failure as a mother and a wife.", when you stop to chat with someone for a minute before checking to see why your child was running past you at full-bore when he knows he is not supposed to run in the church. It just highlights why it's so important to have Christian fellowship outside of Sunday morning. Why we need to actually make the time to make plans and get together so we can talk and be real. This is one of the things I love about our church. Every Sunday there is an informal potluck and we all just bring some food to share and we sit and talk while the kids play. There is no timeline, we just eventually clean up and leave when we are good and ready, and sometimes that is not till after the evening service.

Christian fellowship was essential for believers in the early church, and it is just as essential for us today. In fact how much more for us today, in the world of Facebook and Instagram with our perfect pictures and perfect status updates and perfect Pinterest ideas, is it for us to just get together in person and talk. Break bread together. Remember, when God made people, there was no social media, the only way to interact was face-to-face. There was no pretending or putting on airs, there was only naked honesty! And while some things have changed, like that we all wear clothes and drive cars and live in houses, one thing has not: we need real-time fellowship, and we need to talk and be open with each other. Bare your souls so you know how to pray for each other. I think you will be surprised that the things that plague you the most, those things you are most ashamed to admit, are the exact same things that everyone else is struggling with!

B6 Toxicity Journey Begins

I had never heard of B6 toxicity. I grew up with a Mom who viewed the RDA for vitamins a suggested minimum and who still takes supplements of everything. Well last Tuesday we found out my husband has toxic levels of B6. Not because his doctor wanted to check but because my husband asked him to check another vitamin level so the doctor ordered a who vitamin panel apparently. I called last week on Thursday and left a message with records asking them to send a copy of the blood tests and they did not call me back. So I hope they've just mailed them, but either way I have to call them today and try to get some more information. My husband was only occasionally taking COQ10 which has some B6 in it, it's hard to think that was causing the toxicity. Do you have any idea what B6 can do to a person??? Numbness, tingling, pain, headaches and on and on. Pretty much screws up the nervous system. And although it is "water soluble" once you get more than your body can handle, it takes years to undo the damage. And we still have no idea WHY! The neurologist basically told us to analyze the food he eats. REALLY???? Well I have been spending time researching some "whys" but mostly figuring out a meal plan that won't completely deprive him of every other nutrient out there while still maintaining a low B6 intake; yep that means checking every single thing or ingredient, keeping a log, and lots of math. So that has been a little overwhelming.

Friday I got my fertility cleanse stuff in the mail so I have had to get serious about an endometriosis diet, so this cleanse isn't completely worthless. I did a bunch of grocery shopping before my husband's diagnosis which means I have frozen pork which neither of us can eat now. I am supposed to only eat chicken, fish, and turkey, and he can have small amounts of chicken and hamburger and sausage and bacon and never pork roast or pork chops. At least I do have lots of chicken. So last night I made turkey burgers for me and Boy and hubby got a beef burger. Hubby and boy had green beans and salad while I had green beans and a sweet potato. Although I probably should have had salad too, I just didn't want it. 

Yesterday I pulled my neck while yawning. Yep. I had just finished reviewing the music I was playing for church when while setting my music book on the table I yawned and the left side of my neck cramped up. I could hardly move. Hubby rubbed it for a few minutes but I hurt so bad that didn't help much so I got in bed and put heat on and ended up staying in bed all day. Which meant hubby and Boy went to church without me and hubby got to teach the 7th Commandment to a group of very fidgety high-energy 8-10 year olds all by himself in Sunday School. No, our child was not on his best behavior either. Apparently when there was a lull in the prelude music, he whispered very loudly, "Hey Pastor, you're up." Oh ya, almost as mortifying as the time... well there have been too many of those times to keep track of, so why bother recounting any one of them. Suffice it to say, parenting is never what you thought it would be! 

Almost Older, and Diet Progress

Tomorrow I turn 36. For a while I thought I was turning 37 because I already had turned 36 in my mind, so that's a pathetic state of affairs. Today is my day off, and I'm trying not to think about the rest of this week. I work the next 4 days, (not today) and two of those evenings are get-togethers with girlfriends. Saturday will be a family birthday party for me, my Mom, and my sis-in-law. Sunday afternoon will be a 1st birthday party for hubby's nephew, then back to work Monday. The homebody/introvert in me is already crying. Actually I do love getting together with everyone but it still wears me out to think about it. If any of my friends read this, please DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!!!!! I mostly am really an extrovert but 5:00am getting up means by 7:00pm that I don't feel super sociable some days. Hmmm, I'm trying, but there's no way to make any of that sound better so I'll move on before I dig my grave.

The diet thing hasn't happened really well. I'm good for a couple days then something happens again. Friday it was Costco pizza. Sunday it was Taco Bell because it was 4:30 pm and we were just getting home from church because it was the annual congregational meeting and those always seem to run long and we were tired and hungry and just wanted food NOW and yes I know this is a run-on sentence. Boy was completely happy with his bean burrito. Hubs and I felt regret about half-way through the meal. So, bloated and feeling none too good, our stomachs will probably hate us for the next couple days because we are too old to eat Lleb Ocat. Tonight is my birthday dinner with Hubby at Pastini and tomorrow at work we are going to have BBQ and lemon meringue pie. So START being good on Wednesday and try to be decently good until then.

I was just asked "Have you successfully updated NASA's codes? It sure sounds like that's what you're doing, with authority."  Apparently I type loudly and who on earth is doing anything at 5:55 am anyway with vigor? Well if I don't type now, I certainly won't make time later. And boy is not up yet, which is good considering how much he wore himself out playing with his friends outside yesterday.
Also now that I realized it is already 5:55 am, I am disappointed. The alarm went off at 4:30 (when hubby normally gets up but he accidentally dozed till my 5:00am alarm. I really wanted to get up at 5, but it was a little hard getting up, although hurting to lie in bed is a motivator to get up. So then I checked my email while still in bed, then got up and made the bed, then plopped on the floor and exercised. I have found I am most likely to exercise if I do it before I'm fully awake. I start with sitting stretches, etc., to trick myself into moving and by the time I'm finishing, I'm doing squats and then my coffee doesn't have such a big job ahead of itself. 

So there was an email in my inbox this morning from my ESV Bible app encouraging a 21 day reading challenge to start or re-start one's daily Bible-reading habit. Which reminded me that hubby picked a Bible reading program which we both wanted to do, that has bookmarks to put in each section with what you are supposed to read. He asked me to put Con-Tact paper on them so they wouldn't get destroyed. Those poor print-outs have been sitting on my dresser for at least 6 months. So I think I should take care of that today.

So, my friends, today remember to take a deep breath when needed, and thank God for each trial. --The laundry pile means you have clothes for your family and the sink-full of dirty dishes means you have been able to feed them. The little blessings that are the easiest to forget are sometimes the biggest blessings.

Day Off, Not Really

Well, my diet came crashing down around noon yesterday. We went out together to run some errands and ended up having hot dogs at Costco. I did not eat the bun and did not get a churro. I did have a mocha freeze and half a Mountain Dew. And a stomach ache. Then made Dutch Baby for dinner. So this morning I was determined to start fresh and exercised while the coffee was brewing. But Someone wanted me to bake one last batch of coffee cake and I am a softee and kinda wanted some too. So we had oatmeal for breakfast--gluten free, right? :) Still gotta go to the store for eggs...

Now I'm doing laundry and a general housecleaning trying to remove all the remaining germs from Boy being sick last week, especially considering the flu is so bad this year. We have avoided it so far, are not going to mall playgrounds despite the rain outside, and are trying to maintain a general atmosphere of healthy eating/exercising at home and with God's help will avoid this winter plague.
So I'm gonna eat generally healthy today and start fresh on the diet tomorrow. Sundays are a hard day to start but it will give me two days to get my body on track before going back to work.
TTYL!

Whole30, Day 1

So it's Friday, finally a day off. I work 4 days per week at a private practice, and have alternating Mondays or Fridays off, so this is my 4 day weekend.

I'm not feeling terribly inspired except that I want to say, I am starting the Whole30 today. Will I make it the whole 30 days? I will try. But my birthday is at the end of this month and while I do not plan to completely blow it, if I were presented with a lemon meringue pie, I would definitely eat it :)  So that would mean a restart but that's okay. Or maybe at that point I would switch to more of a long-term plan like primal or the such like. Basically, I have two goals:  The First being to get back in shape, and the Second being to get control of my endometriosis and hopefully get pregnant. Actually pregnancy is the motivating goal but feeling achy and old is definitely a driving force. My doctor, when I asked him if there was anything diet-wise or supplemental that I could do to help, he said, "No, there's nothing." and walked out of the room. While I know that there is nothing scientifically proven to help, there are a host of anecdotes of women saying that they had Stage 4 endo and yet were finally able to get pregnant while on the Whole30 diet. So although I do not like the idea of giving up dairy, I think it's worth a try. I already try to avoid glutinous grains mainly because they do give me a stomach ache and bloating and other miseries so that won't be so hard to give up. Hubby is and has for a long time been on a fairly low-carb diet anyway so breads haven't played much of a role in our diet for about 5 years.  I have pulled out my gluten-free cookbooks from when I did that 13 years ago, and of course the internet is ripe with bloggers giving me alternatives for breads on a low-carb or gluten-free diet, should I be craving such items.

So here goes Day 1. I got up late (6:15), did exercises while the coffee was brewing, and now I should really make breakfast so I don't get so hungry that I completely blow my chances.
Fried eggs with spinach, sausage, and berries.