How to Put on Makeup with a 2-Year-Old

4:45 pm and my third cup of coffee. Actually, that's not so bad considering that our new coffee maker is a single-serve style, which makes smaller cups (well, normal size) than I used to drink. So now instead of two huge cups of decent coffee, I drink two or three smaller cups of very good coffee, and I enjoy it much more.
Small Boy is watching Paddington Bear and I have about 15 minutes till he will want dinner so I thought this the perfect time to sit and relax.

I think I should also add that "Small Boy" is not so much a descriptor as a name; I called him "Tiny Baby" till he was 6 months old and anything but tiny. The name obviously needed an update as he was wearing 9 mo size clothes at that point and has never been a petite child. So he became Small Boy and that name stuck; I suppose when he is 8 or 10 years old he may no longer approve of it but I think he will always be my "Small Boy". Anyway, this child just turned 2 and is wearing 3T so he is anything but small!

He has also (Yayyyyyy!) gone back to napping for me! Apparently two days was his limit for holding out on naps. He is back to being asleep by about noon and then ready for bed by 7pm, so predictability has once again been restored to our little home. And as always, there is a pile of dishes calling me. We went to the park on Saturday afternoon, after which I didn't want to finish the dishes; and Sunday was church then I decided that being as it is a day of rest, I would only do the necessary dishes.

Now to the topic at hand: Makeup! Have you ever tried to put on makeup with a two-year old present? No? Yes? Well either way, you may need a little help getting a system down. Here is my system, and I do hope it helps you.
1. Enjoy the 3.5 seconds of quiet while you are applying foundation before kiddo realizes you have gone into the bathroom by yourself.
2. Tell kiddo very firmly to take his chair back out of the bathroom, that he is not supposed to stand in it to reach items on the counter. Finish applying foundation. Remove foundation lid from kiddo's mitts and make mental note to clean foundation off his cheek in a few minutes.
3. Apply powder over foundation quickly. Be prepared as you set the powder brush down to immediately rescue it from small mitts who find it fun to powder the floor. Yuck! Make a mental note to wash it when he takes his nap, and carry on. (Of course you will not actually remember to wash it at nap time.)
4. Apply blush. You may or may not want to apply eyeliner at this point, depending on how many of your makeup items you have had to remove from kiddo's mitts while applying blush.  I usually just go for it; after all, by the end of the day a little eyeliner helps you look much more alert. (And I can always use help with that.)
5. Remove powder and blush brushes from small hands, begin applying eye shadow. Remove lip gloss brush from small hands, tell kiddo to take his chair back out of the bathroom. Quickly blend eyeshadow while he is obeying.
6. Begin with mascara. Stand in front of your makeup box to guard it and use your magnifying mirror to see your eyelashes. At this point you notice kiddo is now in the bathtub, and being as he hasn't got the water on yet, you leave him be.
7. Now for your lip liner. Or not. Kiddo got the water on in the bathtub even though you turned it very tightly off. Remove kiddo from bathtub and remember to close the door as you exit the bathroom.
8. Clean foundation off his cheek, steer him toward the puzzles in the living room, and then apply your lip gloss that is in your purse in the kitchen; you can use the microwave as your mirror.
9. You look beautiful, Mama, now go have an awesome day!